The All-Bent Mailbag 2013 – Part One

Thanks for your mailbag questions. Demand was so overwhelming that we’re going to split the mailbag into three. One now, one later tonight and one tomorrow afternoon. Apologies in advance to anyone who got a non-answer or a sarcastic response.

Remember, everyone was told to ask one Jets/NFL question and one non-NFL question…

From Michael Mandato via e-mail

1. I’m scared of how thin we are at WR. Holmes is coming off a serious injury, Hill hasn’t shown much improvement since a subpar 1st season, which leaves Kerley as our only (somewhat) proven wideout. Do you think we have too many unknowns at this position heading into camp? Can you envision any potential trades?

Wide receiver trades during or close to the season are more common than any other position it seems. There will always be options out there and the Jets have cap space and assets to make such a move. However, I think they would prefer for some of their cheaper options already on the roster to emerge instead. I’ve got my fingers crossed for that, but if it doesn’t work out, there’s still time to upgrade if needed.

2. Why do some Klingons have ridges on their foreheads while others don’t? What gives?

I’m not really a trekkie, but I did some research and the answer is apparently a source of much debate. However, I think the obvious answer is that there was a genetic mutation at some point because a Klingon with Cromartie-esque spermicidal potency mated with a Cornish pasty.

We did not – and I don’t think we ever will. The whole secret sensei deal was set up like it was going to be some major redemption story for someone who perhaps Jets fans wouldn’t have been happy to see involved with decision making. The sensei was Paul Hackett all along? ALL IS FORGIVEN! Obviously when the nightmare that was last season took place, they couldn’t reveal this guy’s identity because the state of New York doesn’t have a strong enough torch and pitchfork market to supply the ensuing riotous mob. For what it’s worth, my money’s still on Papa Schotty.

I think the most interesting question someone could ask Rex right now is this: “Look, we know you’re probably not going to tell us who your secret sensei from last year was, but can you tell us if you’re still getting advice from him?” I’d love to know that.

As to why I haven’t tweeted, I’m reminded of an old, albeit not particularly funny joke about a young couple who has a baby and he gets to one year old but hasn’t started talking yet. They figure he’s just a late developer, but he gets to two and still hasn’t started talking yet. So they go to their doctor and he says that it’s not that uncommon and they should just keep an eye on it. Then he gets to three and still hasn’t started talking … you get the idea. The punchline is that when he’s 12 or something, he still hasn’t talked, but one day at dinner, he suddenly says “Can you pass the salt?” His parents are amazed and ask why he didn’t speak until now and he says “I never needed anything until now”.

The real reason is that I don’t use social media and only have an account because I was cyber-bullied into getting one by Bassett and his cronies. Still, one day, maybe I will have something to say and my first tweet will break the internet.

I’m not alone. Apparently Spud Webb didn’t tweet yet either.

The easy answer would be Coples, because he’s off to a nice start, or Milliner because he projects so well. However, when all is said and done, it’s obvious which Jets draft pick from the last two years is most likely to see his name on lists of future Super Bowl MVPs, award winners or record-breakers and that’s Robert Griffin.

My favorite animal is my cat, Jasper. My favorite species of animal is a mantis shrimp. Those things are awesome. Unicorns are overrated, they smell just as bad as horses … and the breath? Ugh.


Question #1: Political scientist Kenneth Waltz recently argued that the conventional goal of nuclear nonproliferation is not worth pursuing as a feasible strategy, as increasing nuclear rivalries paradoxically help keep peace as they “discourage states from starting any wars that would lead to the use of such weapons”. In his view, nukes are thus defensive and not aggressive and the countries that want them do so for good reasons, and that a more nuclear world, even in the Middle East and South Asia, leads to greater restraint and caution, causing irresponsible regimes to behave more responsibly.

In your view, should the West abandon nonproliferation as a global foreign policy aim, and how would such a shift in strategy alter the relationships with India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, the Arab Spring nations, an emergent China, newly moderate Iran, and the now reshapen global war on terror?

Question #2: Isn’t Mangold awesome?

#1 – It’s “Nucular”.

#2 – Well, duh.

Also, why have I never seen this commercial before?


Jets question: Who do you think is starting at Safety (along with Landry) when the season begins?

I will predict that Antonio Allen gets the job alongside Landry, although I can see the job going back and forth between Allen and Bush as happened with Pool and Smith in 2010. I wouldn’t rule out a last-minute signing either.

Non-Jets question: how do you happen to have the amount of time to do all the work you do for TJB—are you independently wealthy, or do you have a make-your-own-hours work-at-home job, or do you live in near poverty, like a perpetual college student?

I never sleep. Otherwise, it’s a little of column B and a little of column C. I am certainly not wealthy … not in monetary terms, anyway. Nor do I desire to be.


Jets: Why should anyone be optimistic about the Jets chances this season?

The best reason to be optimistic about the Jets chances is because the season will be more fun that way. Look forward to every game instead of dreading it. I get that a pessimist is never disappointed – and I am an extreme pessimist – but a pessimist is also always miserable.

Non-Jets: What do you do for a living?

My occupation shall remain a secret until the Jets win the Super Bowl. I still have four jobs.


Jets – You are the new owner of the NY Jets. Who do you want for your GM, HC, OC and DC?

If I was the owner, I’d definitely want to cook my own groceries, although I might put some lightning rod figurehead in place as GM to deal with the media. I like Chris Petersen as an offensive coordinator of the future. As a defensive coordinator, the Steelers have been grooming Keith Butler to take over from Dick Lebeau for years now. It would be funny to poach him after they’ve done all the work. With those guys in place, the head coach would need to be more of an organizer or maybe a motivator than an X’s and O’s guy. The ideal candidate could be an older guy, who might not be able to handle a hands-on role any longer, but would bring good experience to the position. Or maybe just John Tortorella because of how he’d handle the media.

Other- Who would win in a cage match you or Bassett?

Bassett is bigger than I am, but I’m more athletic. However, I don’t think either of us have a violent bone in our body, so I think the cage match between us would be a crushingly dull 0-0 tie.


Jets Question: What’s your Over/Under line on number of games Sanchez starts in 2013?

Zero – and I’m going over! Just kidding … 16 and I’m going UNDER!

Non-Jets Question: Blonde or Brunette?

I have dark hair, but I was blonde as a kid. Oh, you mean what do I prefer? I’m all about equal opportunity.


Football Question: Genius Adam Schein says RIGHT NOW we are one of the worst three teams in the league. On paper RIGHT NOW, where would you put just our defense?

They’ve made a few changes so I don’t think we can say for certain that they will definitely be in the top five or whatever, but it’s hard to imagine them being any worse than average as long as their key players stay relatively healthy. That alone should ensure they are competitive against all but the elite teams.

When people point to the weakness of the Jets offense, they always talk about the lack of elite players, but I think that misses the point. The reason they are (hopefully) not a bottom three team is because of all the other teams that may have a couple of playmakers, but overall lack depth or have gaping holes in their lineup. I think the Jets aren’t set up too badly on that front.

Non-Football: Is this thing on my leg a boil or a wart?



Jets question: If you can could choose one big-name FA or player who could possibly be traded next year who would you want?

I still think Jimmy Graham is a realistic possibility. Michael Crabtree is another possibility. You know I love defense though – the guy I wanted this year was Daryl Smith.

Non-Jets question: Do you honestly believe Hank is real? at first I did but now not so sure..I mean he says some really off the wall things and you gotta admit the thing where his son start posting is pretty suspect

He’s definitely real. Is he for real? That’s less certain.

I like to joke that 95% of the TJB commenters are creations of my own, but I would never claim to be that creative.


Jet question: Gut feeling, is Geno Smith going to be a franchise QB for this team?


(Told you I was a pessimist).

non-Jets/NFL question:Favorite all-time movie?

I love Star Wars (even the prequels) and I refuse to pick one film because I see them all as separate chapters of the same story. Beyond that I can’t really pick one, but I like stuff like Naked Gun, Spinal Tap, Vanishing Point. Worst movie ever is a much easier question: Celtic Pride, just ahead of Mannequin and the Pick-Up Artist.


Jets- Do you think Sanchez is going to be released prior to the start of the season?

Not this year. Probably next year, though. And I do think they considered it.

Non Jets- Why is soccer the most popular sport in the world but can’t catch on in the US (professionally)

They’re going about it the wrong way. Soccer will always be a minority sport in the US because of the other established sports ahead of it. They’ll never attract the best athletes and as a result will never increase the popularity of their own league to compete with those others. They should instead market the established leagues around the world in Spain, Italy and England and get fans invested in those. Essentially, accept your place as a cult sport.

Similarly, if the NFL wants to market itself in London, they shouldn’t promote a franchise over there, or elsewhere around the world, they should just promote the existing league. That’s the best way for them to challenge soccer internationally, not forming some franchise nobody will give a hoot about once the new car smell wears off.

Earl Hickey

Question# 1 if Mark Sanchez starts and takes the jets to a 10-6 record, post 3700 passing yards, between 26-33 TDs,18 ints, takes the jets to the AFC championship, and sleeps with like 10 notable hot celebrities/models, do we trade him or keep him?

Only 10? He’s regressing!

I figure that can only happen if 75% of the league’s defensive players get struck down with some mystery virus. Therefore the decision to trade or keep him will come down to (a) whether the virus will still be airborne in the following season and (b) whether other teams need a QB so badly – perhaps because their own was struck down by the virus – to give the Jets good value for him.

I’d like to think the proliferation of this virus is directly tied into the sleeping with 10 models aspect of your question.

Question#2 if you watch breaking bad, do you agree that the who makes you want to cook meth?
Question#3 how come some parts of new york has raccoons while others don’t?
Question#4 how do you think breaking bad is going to end?
Question#5 if the zombie apocalypse occurs, are you going to survive it? will you perform acts of tyranny to the scared and confused that looking for direction? or would you die in an act of valor (getting eaten by zombies to save a child).
Question#6 which jet player you think would be very competitive in the a hotdog eating competition? Big Snacks or Nick Mangold.
Question#7 isn’t Mangold and D’Brickashaw the most awesome names in jets history?
Question#8 Why?
Question#9 Why?
Question#10 Why?
Question#11 Why not?
Question#12 Why?

Sorry dude, the rule is you only get one non-Jets question which means I’m at liberty to pick one. I haven’t seen Breaking Bad, so I will instead pick the zombie apocalypse question.

The answer is that if I was in the Walking Dead I would probably end up getting eaten because I would put myself in harm’s way by trying to feed Rick’s kid to the zombies. Jeez, that kid is annoying.

Part two will follow later tonight…